Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
