i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
