she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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