so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
