puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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