Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
