Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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