y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
