so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
