Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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