Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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