I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Found your dick twin last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
