Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
