I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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