I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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