Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
