maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize