doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
