Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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