his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
