I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
