Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize