ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
