Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
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