Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
