road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize