she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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