Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
