I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
