I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
