What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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