dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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