the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need to calm my uterus...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize