on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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