She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
