How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
