um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
