the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
