in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
