My hair reeks of homosexuality.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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