So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
