well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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