i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
