She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
