Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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