his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
