I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
