I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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