She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
