Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize