She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
