Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The air was thick with penises
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
