I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize