I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
