Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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