so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
