It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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