all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
