What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
