3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
