I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
