Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize