Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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