my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
