Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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