Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
