hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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