She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize