thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
