Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
