Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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