problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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